In Singapore, it is customary to offer bereavement money, commonly referred to as white gold, when attending a funeral. This tradition is especially observed in Chinese communities, where monetary gifts are given as a sign of respect and to help the grieving family with funeral expenses. While it may seem like a sensitive or awkward topic, understanding the etiquette behind giving bereavement money is an important part of local funeral customs.
If you have ever wondered how much to give for a funeral, or what to write on the envelope, you are not alone. The amount can vary depending on your relationship with the deceased, the type of funeral, and your own family’s traditions. Whether you are attending a wake at a void deck or a funeral parlour, knowing what is appropriate ensures your gesture is received with sincerity and respect.
This guide will explain the meaning behind bereavement money, offer practical suggestions on how much to give, and walk you through the proper etiquette. That way, you can express your condolences thoughtfully and appropriately.
What is Bereavement Money or White Gold?
Bereavement money, also known as condolence money or white gold, is a traditional gift given to the family of the deceased during a funeral. In Singapore, this practice is especially common among Chinese families, where the term white gold (白金) symbolises a monetary offering for mourning purposes. Unlike red packets given during festive occasions, white gold is presented in white envelopes, which are associated with grief and remembrance.
The act of giving bereavement money serves two main purposes. Firstly, it is a token of sympathy, showing that you share in the family’s sorrow and wish to offer your support. Secondly, it helps the family cover the costs of the funeral, which can be significant. While this may sound transactional to some, the gesture is deeply rooted in compassion and community values.
In Singapore, different dialect groups may refer to bereavement money slightly differently, but the intent remains the same. For example, older Hokkien speakers may refer to it as “pek kim,” while others simply call it “white gold.” Regardless of the name used, the tradition is a widely accepted part of local funeral customs.
Bereavement money is typically given in cash, slipped into a plain white envelope, sometimes with a short message or the giver’s name written on the front. The focus is not on the amount, but on the intention behind the gift.
While cash is still the norm, we now live in a more digital age. It has become increasingly common for people, especially younger Singaporeans, to send bereavement money using mobile payment apps such as PayNow or PayLah. This is often done when one is unable to attend the funeral in person, or when the family has made a request for digital transfers for convenience. However, it is still advisable to check with the family beforehand to ensure it is appropriate.
How Much to Give for a Funeral in Singapore
One of the most common questions people have when attending a funeral is how much to give. There is no fixed amount, but there are common practices that most people follow. The amount typically depends on your relationship with the deceased, the setting of the wake, and what you personally feel is appropriate.
For most cases, contributions usually fall within the range of S$30, S$50, S$70, or S$90. These are the most commonly given amounts and are considered thoughtful and respectful. For those who were especially close to the deceased or their family, S$100 is generally seen as the upper range.
It’s also advisable to give odd-numbered amounts. In Chinese tradition, even numbers are associated with happy or auspicious occasions like weddings and birthdays. Funerals are not considered auspicious, so odd-numbered amounts are preferred. This is why white gold is often given in values such as S$30, S$50, S$70, or S$90. The money should be placed in a plain white envelope, never a red one, as red symbolises celebration and joy.
The setting of the funeral may have a slight influence on how much people choose to give. A wake held at a void deck may carry different expectations compared to one at a private funeral parlour. However, the amount is still ultimately guided by personal judgment and cultural understanding.
If you’re attending as a family, it’s common to pool the contributions into one envelope. However, individual giving is also acceptable, especially if each person knew the deceased in a different capacity.
While cash is still the norm, digital transfers may occasionally be accepted in specific cases. When in doubt, it is always safest to follow traditional customs or ask a family member discreetly.
How to Prepare and Present Bereavement Money
Once you’ve decided on the amount to give, the next step is to present it appropriately. In Singapore, especially among Chinese families, how you prepare and hand over bereavement money is just as important as the amount itself.
Use a plain white envelope. Again, it is important to avoid red or brightly coloured ones, as these are reserved for festive occasions. The envelope should be simple, without any decorative elements or printed blessings. On the front, write your name clearly. You may include a brief message such as “With Deepest Condolences.”
When you arrive at the wake, look for the registration or reception table. This is where you can sign the condolence book and place your envelope into the collection box. If there is no box, hand it quietly to the person manning the table. There is no need to explain the amount or draw attention; your presence and gesture are already appreciated.
If you are attending on behalf of a group, such as colleagues or friends, pooling your contributions into one envelope is acceptable. Just indicate the group’s names clearly on the back or include a small note inside.
Presenting bereavement money with care and respect helps the bereaved family feel supported and honours the solemnity of the occasion.
Etiquette and Cultural Considerations
Attending a funeral or wake in Singapore, particularly a Chinese one, comes with certain expectations around behaviour, dress, and general conduct. Even if you’re not part of the family’s culture, observing these customs is a meaningful way to show respect.
Dress Modestly and Avoid Bright Colours
The general rule is to wear muted or dark-coloured clothing, such as black, navy, or grey. White is also acceptable, especially in Chinese funerals, but it is typically reserved for family members. Avoid red, bright pink, yellow, or anything flashy, as these colours are associated with celebration and joy.
Behave Respectfully
Funerals are solemn occasions. Keep your voice low, silence your mobile phone, and avoid taking photos unless explicitly permitted by the family. If there is a religious ritual or prayer taking place, stand quietly and follow the lead of others. You’re not expected to participate in rites you’re unfamiliar with, but it’s courteous to observe quietly and respectfully.
Keep Conversations Brief
If you speak to the family, keep your message simple. “My condolences” or “I’m so sorry for your loss” is more than enough. Avoid saying things like “They’re in a better place” or asking how the person passed away, as these may unintentionally cause distress.
Do Not Bring Gifts or Flowers Unless Requested
In Chinese customs, flowers may be arranged in advance by close friends or business associates. For most guests, your presence and white gold contribution are sufficient. Do not bring fruit baskets, celebratory items, or anything wrapped in red.
For Non-Chinese Attendees
Even if you are unfamiliar with the customs, your respectful presence is appreciated. Just observe how others are behaving, dress modestly, and follow general funeral etiquette. It’s perfectly acceptable to offer your condolences quietly and place your envelope at the reception table like everyone else.
Every family may have slight variations in their customs, but as long as your actions are guided by sincerity and respect, they will be appreciated.
Conclusion
Navigating funeral customs can feel daunting, especially when emotions are involved and cultural expectations vary. In Singapore, giving bereavement money, or white gold, is a meaningful way to express sympathy, offer support, and honour tradition.
Whether you’re contributing S$30 or S$100, what matters most is the respect and sincerity behind the gesture. By following common practices such as using a plain white envelope, giving in odd-numbered amounts, and dressing modestly, you show the bereaved family that you care not just through your presence but also through your thoughtfulness.
Every act of condolence, no matter how small, helps to comfort those in grief. In moments like these, it’s not about the formality of the action, but the heart behind it.
