If you have been invited to a wake in Singapore, you may be wondering how much to put in the envelope, and whether you are doing it correctly. This is a short, practical guide to pek kim, also called white gold or condolence money.
Pek kim (白金) is money given to the bereaved family when you attend a Chinese wake in Singapore. Pek kim is the Hokkien term and translates literally as white gold. In Mandarin it is bai jin, in English it is usually called condolence money, and Filipino families in Singapore use the word abuloy for the same practice.
The custom began as a practical gesture rather than a ceremonial one. Funerals are expensive and often arranged in a matter of days, so those close to the family contributed towards the cost. That is still the spirit of it today. You are helping with the expense, not buying anything, and no amount you give is judged.
There is no fixed rule, and families do not expect a particular figure. What follows is what is commonly given in Singapore, based on how close you are to the family. Give what is comfortable for you.
| Your relationship to the family | Commonly given |
|---|---|
| Colleague, neighbour, or acquaintance | $30 to $50 |
| Friend of the family | $50 to $100 |
| Close friend | $100 to $200 |
| Relative | $200 and above, often more for immediate family |
If you are attending as a group, from an office or a class for example, it is common to combine into one envelope with a list of names inside. If you cannot attend, you can pass your pek kim to someone who is going, or give it to the family afterwards. Neither is considered improper.
Many families prefer odd numbers for pek kim, which is the opposite of the even, auspicious amounts given at weddings. Where this custom is kept, $50 or $30 is given rather than $88. Not every family observes it, and no one will object if you give an even amount, but odd amounts are the safer choice if you are unsure.
Avoid amounts built around the number four, such as $40 or $44. The word for four sounds like the word for death in several Chinese dialects, and it is not used in this context.
At many Chinese wakes you will be offered a sweet, a red thread, or a small coin as you leave. Accept it. The sweet is eaten before you reach home and the thread is discarded outside your door. These are customs meant to leave grief at the wake rather than carry it back with you.
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The practice varies by faith and community. Christian and Catholic families in Singapore often receive condolence money in the same way, though some prefer donations to a church or a charity in the person’s name, and the family will usually say so. Filipino Catholic families use the term abuloy, given in the same manner. Malay and Muslim funerals do not usually involve condolence money, though contributions towards costs are sometimes quietly made. Where a family has a preference, it is normally stated in the obituary or by whoever invited you.
White gold is the English translation of pek kim (白金), the money given to a bereaved family when attending a Chinese wake in Singapore. It is placed in a plain white envelope with your name written on it, and given at the reception table on arrival.
Commonly $30 to $50 for a colleague or acquaintance, $50 to $100 for a friend of the family, $100 to $200 for a close friend, and $200 or more for a relative. There is no fixed rule and the family will not judge the amount. Give what is comfortable.
Condolence money. In Singapore it is more often called pek kim, the Hokkien term meaning white gold, or bai jin in Mandarin. Filipino families call it abuloy.
Odd amounts are customary for funerals, which is the reverse of weddings where even numbers are preferred. Avoid any amount containing four, such as $40, because the word sounds like the word for death. Many families no longer observe this strictly.
A plain white envelope. Never red, which is reserved for celebrations. White envelopes are usually available at the wake if you arrive without one.
Yes. You can pass it to someone attending on your behalf, or give it to the family afterwards. Neither is considered improper.
Families often ask us about pek kim in the first hours, usually because they are unsure whether to accept it or how to record it. There is no obligation either way. If you would like help with the arrangements, or simply want to talk through what happens next, our team answers the phone at any hour.
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